Do you sometimes experience groundhog day where you find yourself back in a situation that feels depressingly familiar? Another time, different people, new circumstances but all too similar emotions, challenges, confrontations, insomniac angst, tears of frustration. Whether it’s relationship pain, career instability, addictive behaviour, pay strict attention to these patterns. Life will keep throwing them at you until you learn from them.
Detach yourself from the immediate soul-crushing negative emotion. Observe objectively what is actually going on. Write down the circumstances factually. No adjectives. No emotion. Just plot out what has actually happened. Then write down what happened the time before. And the time before that. And again prior if there are more. Now analyse. Totally scrutinise what’s going on here. There will inevitably be a pattern. A pattern where you are rolling over as victim and failing to successfully manage yourself to personal liberation.
Did you have unrealistic expectations? Have you failed to honour your word? Are you behaving passively? Are you making assumptions without validation? Are you gaining from the pain in some way? Are you thwarting your own progress in your entrepreneurialism, relationships or wealth?
Identification equals Eureka!
Once you’ve clinically reviewed your case studies and the behavioural patterns you’re exhibiting you’ll quickly get to the crux of the negative habit problem. And it’s at this point you can consciously, boldly and very deliberately set about breaking the pattern.
The Responsibility Breakpoint
This eureka moment signals a moment of positive change. A recognition of the responsibility you need to take in breaking the cycle of victim. You are no longer a passenger in the cycle of your life, but you are now leading purposefully forwards in a direction of your choosing.
Choose your Attitude
Consider how you can responsibly and conscientiously change your response to these circumstances. How can you think, behave and believe differently in alignment with your true self, your north star. Commit to this new choiceful attitude and go for it heart and soul embracing new habits and structured action. Recognise the new beliefs you are upholding and now living to avoid repeating the suffering. See how good it feels to tingle with ‘rightness’ when you finally choose to move forward on your terms. You’ll emit a more positive vibration, you’ll feel happier, joyful even, in control and directional. You’ll feel liberated from the anxiety and sensations of being trapped, again. You’ll know that this is the end. No more. You’ll have broken the cycle.
Case Study: Eleanor's Career Tumult
Eleanor was a highly successful corporate leader. She hit her groundhog day when 2 years after ‘consciously uncoupling’ (to put it modestly) from her previous role, she was slap bang front and centre in the identical scenario with her current employer. Different organisation, different bosses, different circumstances, but identical emotions stirred up insider her and identical apparent frustrations for her bosses. She privately plotted out the facts, listing briefly exactly what had happened previously and what was happening again now. She immediately identified that she was being blocked and negatively tainted by a threatened intermediary manager, again. Recognising the games being played it was easy to manage the scenario with impeccable documentation, results shared directly with the board (and the toxic intermediary of course) and to job hunt aggressively as this was too political a landscape for her to flourish. Behaviourally Eleanor recognised in herself the tendency to be a ‘pleaser’, a trait dominant since childhood creating perpetual and over-indexed dominant desire for praise. She worked on eliminating her own addiction to praise and focused more on delivering results for results sake not praise. This two pronged approach led Eleanor to course correct her behaviour in the workplace and 5 years later she’s powerfully transcending the corporate ladder in a new business with a culture far more closely aligned with her personal values, happily never having been ‘bumped’ by intermediaries since.